A Journey to Parenthood

Photo by Ben Wicks on Unsplash

My desire to have a family has ebbed and flowed throughout my life.Being homeschooled, I never really saw other parents interacting with their children and just assumed the dynamic in my household was normal. I was convinced that all parents completely fucked up their children and that there was no such thing as a good parent. Terrified at the prospect of becoming my mother, I vowed to end the generational trauma by simply ending the generation entirely.

By the time I was in my early twenties and married, I’d realized that one could be a parent and also a compassionate and loving human being. This sparked a fierce desire to change the narrative and show my own children the love and acceptance that I so desperately craved. Of course things rarely work out that easily.

First came the diagnosis that carried warnings for future fertility, then the divorce and the string of dating disasters. Minor hiccups for a woman who hadn’t yet reached 30 but still dreamt of a family. My aunt has two children via sperm donor and I decided that if I hadn’t met someone by the time I was 35, I’d do the same. That deadline was unnecessary, I had a hysterectomy on the day of my 29th birthday and my hopes were crushed.

Then I fell in love. The kind of love where you’re planning 50 years down the line and actually feel like it might be possible. He’s a loving, supportive and…