Member-only story
I Don’t Need You to Fix It; I Need You to Listen
The hardest part of growing up is realising that not all things can be fixed.
I remember being so small and thinking that everything could be fixed. My mom managed to sew my teddy bear back together after a dog had shredded its head and, if she could fix that, I figured she could fix anything. Eventually, I learned that she had been unable to fix my teddy bear but had cut apart the remnants to use as a pattern to make me a new one. Over the years, my mom returned to that pattern many times to repair or replace after my beloved fabric companion met another unthinkable fate or simply wore out from too much use. The scraps of fabric that had been my original teddy bear now lie next to the recreation, tucked away in my treasure chest. She didn’t fix it, but she made things better.
My family was never good at emotions, communication or demonstrating positive behaviours. It is not that my parents didn’t love me; they just weren’t sure how it was done. They were (and still are) immensely damaged people who never escaped the survival mode that they entered to protect themselves as children. Problems were a sign of weakness and never to be displayed or discussed. I grew up keeping all my negative feelings in check and never letting anyone see my vulnerabilities.
