I took a poll and I’m not the only one.
Picture this: I’m seated at the kitchen table with a nice glass of wine, watching a devastatingly handsome man scrub the supper dishes. Am I biased about the devastatingly handsome part? Perhaps a little, but there is no denying his charm. His shirtless state and the way the muscles ripple across his chest definitely don’t hurt. Occasionally he glances up and shoots me a smile. He knows I’m staring and it amuses him to no end.
Finally I blurt out, “it’s sexy when you do the dishes”.
This earned my an exaggerated eye roll. “Dishes aren’t sexy”
No amount of arguing would convince him that household chores can be sexy. His argument is that I just find him attractive (he’s not wrong) and the dishes have nothing to do with it. One of my primary love languages is Acts of Service so I know that I am particularly swayed by domestic duties. But I can’t be the only one?
I strongly dislike losing an argument so I did the only logical thing: I took a poll. Even in households where there isn’t a definitive split in labour, most women find it sexy when a man does the dishes. I texted a bunch of women in my contact list and asked them this question; “I’m writing an article, is it sexy when guys do the dishes?”. The responses I got ranged from enthusiastic to philosophical.
“F*ck yes, at least in my world”
“Honestly? I think it’s more abstract. Physically no, but it takes some weight off me to relax and get in a 'sexy' mindset, rather than stressing about chores. Feelings get directed towards the person relieving your stress.”
“Are they naked? Ok. Seriously.
Guys doing ANY "chore" - without being asked to - that’s "appealing" because it speaks that he’s helping”
I only really got one definitive NO answer and I love the way she phrased it.
“Lol. Not to me. It's essential. Gone are the days when men doing work in their own home is "amazing!!" And now it's just "take care of your fucking home".
Saying it's sexy is like saying it special. If a woman thinks her man is something amazing by pulling his own weight.....that woman needs lessons in self worth and personal standards. But that's me.
Many women still think it's amazing when men can take care of themselves.
To me: that's just allowing laziness and being treated like a doorman.
Literally allowing someone to treat you like the maid is allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.
Men take care of their home.
UNLESS the couple agrees otherwise. However those are old cultural constructs- and don’t really hold up anymore.”
When I started this conversation, I didn’t expect it to make me question my role in a household and how I approach domestic chores. Is the degree of sexiness really linked to my low expectations of my partner? Am I complicit in reinforcing the stereotypes that were a factor in the failure of my marriage? There are so many questions that I’ve uncovered and I don’t even know how to begin to answer them.
While I firmly believe in a split in household chores and even expect the father of my future children to split parental leave, I still have a weak spot for dishes. Perhaps my attraction is rooted in my loathing of washing dishes? There is no chore that I despise more. I’ve actually taken apart a dishwasher to fix it rather than do dishes by hand. Other women expressed fondness for vacuuming or scrubbing toilets but that’s just not my thing. For some reason I expect those chores but dishwashing is a treat.
Many women find it sexy when their man does the dishes. I guess the real question is why.
I’d love to hear other viewpoints, especially from same-sex couples, in order to expand the reach of my query. Now I’m curious.